I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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