It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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