I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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