Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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