On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
