she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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