Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
