You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My hand turned me down
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
