it's like iHOP with fire
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
