OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
