we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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