My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
