you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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