theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
