wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
