I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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