Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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