saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
