so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I could fuck to npr.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
