What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
