I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
