We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
