i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
