I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
