I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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