There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
