I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
