ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
