apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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