i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
