Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
