i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
