I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
