I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
