Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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