ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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