For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
