he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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