Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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