I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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