My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
