I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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