i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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