Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
