You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
