He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this just has baby written all over it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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