Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i now understand why vodka
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