So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
