i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
