Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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