The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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