Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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