So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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