Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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