Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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