sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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