I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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