this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
