Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
