thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
