dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
