That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize