I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
