I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
