saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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