yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
