69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
