You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
