The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
