THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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