Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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