I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
