Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
