Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
