Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
