alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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