I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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