Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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