I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We had to coat check the pizza.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
