am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
