Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
whose parrot is this?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
