from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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