I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
